I never thought I would even read a blog or want to actually keep one, talk less or needing it as a place to vent and ask all these questions buzzing in my mind and multiplying by the day.
I'm a very controlled person, everything from my emotions to behavioural patterns. There’s a reason or logic to my madness, so to speak.
I’m not the least spontaneous, and I hate surprises. I NEED to know everything or at least as much as I can. I tend to be a bully, but that’s fine as my friends love me (because they know I haven’t got a malicious bone in my body) and it helps in my line of work.
So where do I start? I woke up one morning lazily stretching on my Egyptian cotton covered king size bed, in my lovely spacious flat looking like the cat that got the cream. As I looked around my room I realised how far I had come, from my university days, where my room was the whole flat (and I’m not exaggerating). I slowly got out of bed, and made my way to the door taking in everything as I made my way into my dressing room which is huge.
The room was filled with everything you could think of (if you are a girl), Jeans folded by make and colour…bearing in mind that they are all blue but the washes are different, everything from Rock and Republic to one of my favourite pairs of jeans which I got in Primark hey shoot me, be behaving as if you don’t go to Primark! If it’s good enough for the WAGS and it fits hell it good enough for me.
I looked to my left, bags of all kinds of shapes and colour in cloth bags with a Polaroid of the bag stuck on it arranged according to whether it’s a day bag, a shopper, a baguette, evening name it, it was present. Then shoes all in boxes arranged like the bags…omo Carrie eat your heart out. Let me not even go to all the clothes, accessories, french lace, Ankara, damask. I’m sure you’ve realised I’m an accessory person.
Anyway as I looked at all this I sighed and walked out because recently I haven’t been myself at all. All my material stuff just wasn’t doing it for me anymore and that bugged the hell out of me. I’m a firm believer in Work hard and play hard…so shopping is a sport I excel in and love or should I just say generally spoiling myself.
However, it wasn’t giving me the buzz any longer, even my riverside apartment, with a posh postcode which made me feel like a queen in a palace wasn’t doing it for me anymore, I remember how proud my dad was when I got this place 5years ago (red flashing lights: men I’m in real trouble).
As I stood under the force of the hot almost scalding water coming from the power shower, I wondered why the hell I seemed so freaking miserable. I had everything anyone could dream of, a great fulfilling job (or so I thought), a wonderful home, the “I’m a bitch and I love it “ kick ass convertible, all the clothes, bags and shoes to last several lifetimes, perfect holidays, to great investments for when I retire and yet I was Miserable with a capital M.
8 comments:
i thinkw e all go through this phase at one time or other, ive been there, sometimes i feel as though im still there, but i know that i couldnt have asked for a better life. its just a phase, ud be fine and good thing uve started bloggin, trust me it helps with the frustration and all that.
welcome to blogsville.
dollbaby, I can relate to plenty of what you said... except the organized closet part. We all hope for somethign deeper in life, many of us are faking it through life too don't feel bad.
Hey thanks guys,
@ 36 inches of brown legs, i absolutely love your blog, thanks for the encouragement. Please visit again.
@ Kpakpando, good to know i'm not alone. Thanks for showing love.
Sounds like you no longer desire all the things you previously thought would complete you. Isn't that normal though? We (women) change all the time. Perhaps just try facing the frustration head on and finding out what it is that will actually make you happy now, and then go for it?
But whatever you do, don't throw all your lovely things away... Lol!
Its a phase your going through and sooner or later you will figure out what will make you happy. happiness comes from within... I will not say a person will make you happy cos they wont ...children will not either...its something you need to figure out yourself and i think you are more than smart enough to do that!! The reason why you have to look within , is that is the only thing that will not change...
You will be fine. Give yourself some time and remember your glass is half full , not half empty.
Gee guys all these words of encouragement. I really apprecaite it.
@Bitchy
Thanks girl, you are quite right. The funny thing is when i set out to acquire all those things it wasnt to complete me so to speak but it gave me some kind of satisfaction. However, i'm wont be taking everything to the charity shop just yet ;o) Oh and how is the hair? Thanks
@Bluntremi
You are so right about happiness coming from within. And that what is within is the only thing that wont change. Thanks for reminding me of that. Thank you for stopping by.
Thanks for dropping by my blog, will be coming here often.
nice opener, will be back
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